Ex-Wife,
We have gone
through a lot together and I think throughout the years we have formed a really
strong and loving bond. We know each other stories, lives & dreams. I did
consider you my best friend. But, that is no longer true because best friends
do not do what you have done. Perhaps in the future we will become friends
again. I didn’t recognize you when we
were going through the divorce. You seem to become someone else. But after the
hurt, pain and shock, I reflected on everything. I reflect on who you are and
your history. This is what I discovered or acknowledged:
When we 1st
met you were in a good place compared to were you were before. You were going back
to school, you were being a role model to a troubled teen, you were dating this
awful man but he still supported you. Despite his demeanor, he cared about
you. You were getting something out of
the relationship. Than you met me…I was the opposite of this awful man and you
saw some qualities in me that you liked and thought you could use in your next
stage in life. I was a means to get out
of your present relationship. That
relationship was all used up. You did not need anything anymore from him or the
relationship. You saw a changed life within me and our new relationship. Here
was a man who was kind, loving and loyal.
A new start.
We fell in love and started off in the new direction…your
direction. My direction was your direction at the time. I was deeply in love with you and very devoted and
would do anything for you. I stuck with you throughout all your crazy ideas and
dreams. I supported you in all aspects (emotionally, psychology, physically and spiritually). I was the steady
solid rock. You knew I would lie down my life for you and that you could trust
me. We had a family. You finally had the
kids that you always wanted. You were a mom. We had rough times and we stuck
together through it all. I now see that
if you have met someone who cared for you during those times you would have bailed
on me than. But, there was no one suitable, so we survived together.
Your family life was very women dominated. You were brought up that men were just a
convenience or a means to an end. If you
think about it all the men in your life as you were growing up were not there
and I think part of that is due to your mother’s way of thinking. Your dad is
trying really hard to get back and staying in your life. I’m not saying the men were not entirely at
fault but the methods and attitude of your mother in dealing with them leads me
to believe in this. You were brought up with the view from your mom’s eyes that
you can be successful without a man in your life, Yet your mom used men to get
what she wanted and then made up some excuse to get rid of them. She also choice men that had certain
qualities that would help her on the success ladder and turned a blind eye to
the other qualities until she needed to use those qualities to get rid of
them. She was a victim but a victim
created by her own choices.
Now you are indeed at another crossroad or it is you are at
the same place as you were 18 years ago but it looks slightly different. You have your dream career, you have your
kids, you met this other man who has qualities that you need to move onto that
other stage that you set in your mind. He has land, is a carpenter, shows his
undying love for you and to add to the pot he already has 2 adorable kids that
you can be a mother to. You feel that
those qualities were what you were looking for and that the qualities that I
have are no longer needed, so you kick me to the curb, take your kids (yes that
is how you really see them, you can fool yourself about me being their father
but all your actions have shown me what your true feelings are.) Forget about even trying to work things out
with me…this other way is much easier.
I also realize that your lover helped you “cross the line”.
He was there to support you. He said the right things to make you feel wanted.
He had a listening ear for you. He replace
me in many ways. He showed some
assertiveness because he was a signal Dad and he had to do that. He also won
custody over his kids so he had “words of wisdom” for dealing with getting custody of the kids.
He wanted you even when you and I were
together so he went after you and got you. I don’t know what happened but it
seemed he “made his move” when I was at my spiritual and emotional retreat.
Because when I came back you have obviously moved on. I’m not saying he is the
main cause because you had to make that choice. He just nudged you a little to
make the choice a little easier for you.
You are right we are
going down two different roads and frankly I do not want to go down your road
that you are traveling. The dream of having a land and house was my dream as
well but you saw a faster way and more doable way. You watched a new born baby just before you
took those steps to get rid of me. A few weeks later I found the pregnancy
test. All this made me believe yet there
is something more you wanted that you couldn’t get from me and that is another
baby. You were the one who encouraged me to get the discectomy.
We will be coming up to our 16th anniversary and
boy, have we gone down different paths. I feel my path is of stability and
determination to make a better life for our kids. I have to do it on my own. I do not know what you are planning. All I
know is that I will not allow you to bring our kids down your sinful, chaotic,
emotionally unhealthy, amoral life. That is
actually what you are doing. You are teaching the kids that it is ok to not
work out your issues with your partner before moving onto someone else. I have
talked to many people who have gone through divorces and no one has ever heard
or done what you have done…moved into a relationship, dragging the kids and
forcing them into your relationship, merging families before the other one is
fully done. I feel that I am doing damage control for everything you do. I pray
and hope that it is enough.
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