On June 21, 1997 I
was slow dancing with my beautiful 25 year wife in an empty knights of Columbus
Hall to Bruce Springsteen’s “Secret Garden” She wore a beautiful long white wedding
dress that really showed off her cute figure and I had a black tuxedo on. My
friend Michael and the DJ were the only ones left. Michael disappeared into the kitchen to let
us have our moment. The DJ was the only one to witness our love and a moment I
will never forget.
It is now 2013 and that beautiful wife is gone. There wasn’t a physical death but an
emotional, marital death. That young bride is older now but she is also
gone. I really noticed her disappearance
at our last mediation. I intently observed her while she was talking to the
mediator and there was nothing there that indicated she was the woman I loved for 16 years.
There was an aura of insanity surrounding her. I looked at her physical features. I noticed that her nose seemed bigger and she
had more haggard lines on her face and she was heavier. She wasn’t an older, beautiful version of my
25 year old bride but a deformed doppelganger of her. She was a devious, manipulative woman who’s
only goal was to get what she wanted which was a new life that included her kids
but not their father. I was just in her way. She proclaims that I frighten her.
I believe that the reason for this proclamation is because I am not laying down
in defeat. I am actually showing some
strength. That is what she is afraid of…that she will not get her way because I
am not succumbing to her plans.
I battle for our kids. I fight to make sure that I am a
significant influence in their lives. That they have a dad despite that their
parent are not together. I also fight to
bring stability to the chaotic life that their mother brings to their lives. I
work two jobs so that I can create this stability. I
would never deny them access to their mother unless she proves to be totally
unstable and threatening to them.
I cry for our kids. My tears for my once beautiful bride have
dried up a while ago. It saddens me that our kids have to go through this. I’m
sure they wish their parents would just make up and get back together, that
everything is better and back to what it used to be. I know this because I have gone through it
myself as a kid. I eventual face the
fact that my parents are not getting back together and that my life will be
different for now on. My life did get
better and I did survive. I trust and
have faith that this will happen to our kids as well.
This separation started out with only one person wanting to
end our 15 years together. Now that I have been looking at everything from afar
and in solitude, reflecting on my past life with her and the present. There are
now 2 people in agreement that we cannot be together.
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